Monday, September 21, 2015

I had forgotten that I even have this blog... All my new content is at Storyteller's Dream.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


every time I think about making changes in my life -- food, style, organization, spiritual practice -- I get very scared. I am afraid of peace. I am afraid of what I will lose by making the change. and so, I get loads of ideas, I read magazines and books and websites, and it seems like nothing is ever any different. Why? because even though I know in my brain what a good idea such and such thing might be, when it comes time to actually do something, or more often, when I get stressed or tired or busy, I revert to doing what I've always done. Eating entire bags of rice cakes, drinking coffee, letting laundry pile up so that I have seven loads to do, letting my desk get covered with papers, showing up to work with only a germ of an idea of what I'm teaching that day.

How do you change?

What do you do to goad yourself to move forward and blossom and DO IT THIS WAY, THIS TIME?

I'll be 35 in less than two weeks. While I'm much more of a competent, capable adult than I ever thought possible at 21, I know I have more to offer this world. There is way more amazing stuff that I could do, could give, even though I am just this little, habit-bound individual.

share your stories with me, please.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Bedtime, part 2

Oh, dear friends, unless you have seen a child through learning to go to sleep, you have no idea what amazement is mine.

This week, not only did Small Son go to bed at his usual bedtime for Grandma when she and Grandpa were babysitting Tuesday evening, but tonight, he went to bed and did not even ask to nurse. It was later than usual, as we were at the coffee shop helping out with getting ready for our opening day on Saturday. We did our bedtime routine, and after story, I sang him a song or two, tucked him in, then sang one more from the rocker as he snuggled in bed with his wolf and lamb and doll...

And that was it. I sat for a few minutes after the song, then tiptoed out. Dreamland.

Visions of being able to go out in the evening without worrying that he'll be up until I get home, even if it is 11 o'clock at night, are dancing in my head. Would he go to sleep for his other Mama, maybe? For a babysitter? Hmmmm...

I dont't think we are totally done with nursing. I think he may ask tomorrow or the next day, and if he does, I'll nurse him. My guess is that it will start to fade away, though. His circle of friends and family is widening, and he is ready to venture into bigger and bigger experiences of the world, but he still needs the small, warm circle of his family, and the smaller one of loving arms to hold him.

May he always know there is room in those arms for him.

Monday, July 25, 2011


We are learning to fall asleep here. Small Son is 2 1/2. He still nurses, though it's mainly limited to naptime, when he wakes form his nap, and bedtime.

I suppose it would be just as accurate to say, "We're working on weaning here." It's a process. We stopped nursing at night this past winter. That was far less traumatic than I expected. I never planned to be nursing my son into his third year. I had thought, I'll give it a year. And then, I thought perhaps a few more months. And then, perhaps until he's two...

I am not in a rush to wean completely. Weaning begins when the child starts to take other nourishment, and that started when A. was 6 months old with his first tastes of banana and avocado. By 9 months, he was eating Happy Baby rice cereal mixed with baby food once a day. We were not big solid food promoters. He ate when he showed interest.

He certainly has plenty of interest now. Small Son's favorites include most fruits, but not melon, chicken, ham, toast, oatmeal, broccoli, peas, and raisins. Nordic Naturals Nordic Berries vitamins are also high on his list. I don't blame him -- they're yummy.

So, now we are starting to shift away from nursing to sleep, which he has had a lot of trouble doing in the evening for the past few weeks. He still nurses down quickly for naps, but bedtime was starting to take all night.

We're working on shifting the routine, simplifying, making his own bed the place where he falls asleep, tucked in all cozy with his Lambie, Wolfie, and Blue Baby.

It's starting to work, slowly, slowly, slowly, but tonight I left the room before he was totally zonked, and he slept. It was like a miracle.

It seems like falling asleep ought to be so easy, but as anyone who has lain awake, counting the minutes, mind racing, can tell you, sometimes, it isn't. I want bedtime to be a welcome respite for our son, a safe, sweet, cozy time, when he knows he is loved and cared for, and where he can recharge for the next day's adventures. I want him to look forward to his journeys in Dreamland, and to learn to sleep easily and deeply.

We are learning to fall asleep and to wake up, and teaching these things is part of being a Waldorf educator, as well as part of parenting. We have to put our own thoughts to sleep to really listen to someone else. We have to dream our way into stories, and our feeling life is like a dream, half-remembered, barely understood. Sleep and waking and the liminal spaces in between -- if we can make these transitions well, then we can learn to move from action to stillness, from lassitude to industriousness, with ease and calm in other realms of life, too.

There is much to say on the topic of sleep, and for tonight, I will talk less and sleep more, hoping to bring some insights later in the week...

Sweet dreams, dear reader.

Friday, July 22, 2011

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by Soule Mama

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

where did last week go? PLUS: hot weather fun!

Uh, sorry, readers! Last week kind of slipped away... It was glorious and cool last week on Wednesday and Thursday, and then HOT arrived. HOT has been here, making toddlers stir crazy in the A/C and mamas testy and tired.

What do you do in the HOT with a little one? Or with a slightly bigger one?

I have found one sure-fire solution: water. Drink it, play in it, wear it. We have made two trips to the beach, played in the wading pool in the back yard, and run wildly through the sprinkler. Now, we have central air, and I am a delicate flower because of it. My heat tolerance is not that high, as the ridiculous state of my skin will attest. However, in the sprinkler, with a breeze blowing, even 98ºF is bearable.

What else can you do in the HOT? If you are hiding indoors, this is a good time for fort-building, library visits, playdough, and drawing. We've read lots of stories and have been getting the playdough out every day. Small Son enjoys helping to make smoothies and shakes. Forgotten toys have been dug out of storage to enjoy new lives and newly-acquired play skills.

And for the grownups? Iced tea, cool showers, late-evening walks with the dog, and joining the kid in his watery activities have all helped.

The heat won't last forever. I know I'll miss it when it's 115º colder this winter!

Stay Cool!!

Friday, July 08, 2011

Challenges and Gifts

Apparently, posting daily, or even weekly, to various social media or to this page are tough, even when school is not in session. Seeing the gifts in each day requires that I meet the challenges from a place of openness and strength, not from a besieged hill, bristling with spears, nor as a suffering martyr. Ugh, as I write those, I feel them in me, those small, sad versions of myself. Poor little me! And now I'm laughing...

I was going to write about all the things that stand in the way of writing for me, the housework, the needy toddler, the rabbit-like thoughts that run around in my head, the stuff that seems so much more important, but really, who wants to read about that? Instead, you get the good stuff. Here it is:

* backyard raspberries, tiny and black, tart and sweet, fragrant as heaven.
* watching small son slide his chubby hand between the brambles to free the berries and crush them into his mouth, smearing clear magenta juice all over his face.
* wonderful Kelly at Specs who is a real Daymaker.
* tiny rabbit who has been living under our neighbor's hedge spent much of the evening eating fallen birdseed on our stoop, much to Small Son's delight (and ours!)
* big brown toad greeting me as I mowed the back yard last night, then hopping safely into the undergrowth.
* watching the progress at the coffee shop and seeing my partner's excitement and grace under pressure as opening day approaches.

And that's just yesterday!! What amazing joys are waiting for us today?